I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
