i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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