i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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