"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
