On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
