I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
