ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
