I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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