There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
there's paper in my vomit.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize