I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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