Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
