Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
What drink are we having for lunch?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
