he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
