They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I deserve this hangover.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
