I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
