my vag is so smooth its legendary
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
