Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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