We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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