i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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