There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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