So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I will be naked everywhere
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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