I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize