I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
