I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
