so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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