You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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