I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
