i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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