Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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