Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
