On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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