Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
