I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
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Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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