Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
