I wish I could teleport
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
