I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
