i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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