just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
