i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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