I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
