Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
