I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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