Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
