And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I love having hate sex.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
