My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
