what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
