You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
