i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
