This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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