What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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