The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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