White coat. Heels.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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