remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
