grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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