Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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