Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
