just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
