i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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