Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
