Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
