Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
