apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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