I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize